There can be a trigger at any point and you can’t see it coming. Mine started from grief perhaps, but who knows?
In April 2017 when my Dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, it hit me hard, he was my hero, it was crushing for our family to watch him deteriorate. On Halloween that same year, after doing absolutely everything that was asked of him, we were told there was nothing more the doctors could do. This was followed by my mum receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis in February 2020, she fought with so much love and pride, but she sadly passed away days before her birthday.
Naturally the heartbreak and grief came crashing in mixed with a huge sigh of relief. Relief of no more struggling, upset, knockdowns, pain, or exhaustion.
People say it’s the aftermath you can struggle with intently. The adrenaline from organising the funeral fades. The well-wishers go back to their daily lives, and you’re left to start again with one less person on your journey.
Whilst all of that had been going on, my wife was pregnant, so the entire spring and summer of that year was pregnancy one side and a terminally ill parent the other. (Whilst all in lockdown/restrictions). Again – all major factors impacting my mental health.
My mental health was deteriorating by this point. I only really could see it after it happened. It was the first time I needed to seek help. I always said I didn’t need a doctor, or advice or help but why? Why did I have that mindset? Is it because a man is supposed to cope? Be strong? It can be a naïve attitude to have in my opinion and one that has originated from generations and generations.