Halloween is now a holiday celebration across the world and this weekend people will spend a small fortune spookifying their homes for ghoulish themed parties. The National Retail Federation estimates that Americans alone will spend around £3.47bn ($5bn) on such decorations as plastic gravestones and illuminated skeletons for their front yards this year. But what about those homeowners who are haunted all year round, where do they buy their insurance?
Lloyd’s insurer Hiscox is developing a homeowners insurance product that specifically targets haunted houses and their owners.
Nightmare on Lime Street
Until now, haunted houses have been a nightmare on Lime Street for insurance underwriters on account of the terrifying and hard to quantify risks that haunted homeowners routinely face.
Some haunted homeowners, for example want to insure their house against the possibility of them inexplicably remaining upright in their foundations. “For a house to be a home it is necessary for it to lean at a crazy angle. This will ensure floorboards creak and shutters swing on their hinges as they should,” said Ian Cadaver, spokesperson for the Haunted Homeowners’ Federation, HHF. “If they don’t, how will we stay awake all night.”
“Likewise on the contents side. If a homeowners’ carpets are not being ruined by bloodstains that mysteriously appear on them at night, they need to know they can have them replaced fast with ones that actually ooze gore,” he added. “The same applies to poltergeists. If someone’s possessions suddenly stop flying around the room, due to an accidental exorcism say, it could be very distressing for haunted homeowners. They need assurance that their stuff can be back up in the air and flying as soon as possible.”
Personal accidents are another issue with haunted homeowners as it is difficult to find an insurer willing to insure haunted houses over the routine disfigurement and dismemberment of occupants. “We find it extraordinary that insurers will cover intact policyholders but not a perfectly independent hand or head,” Cadaver said. “It is tantamount to discrimination against our members – no pun intended.”
Cover for the undead
But the haunted homeowners’ buildings and contents insurance policy planned by Hiscox will address a number of the unique risks faced by this growing sector of macabre society. “We see great opportunities in this hitherto uninsurable demographic, from undead policies that pay out if an insured zombie regrettably comes back to life and private medical cover for Frankenstein style operations that go according to plan,” a Hiscox spooksman said.
Hiscox is even planning to include legal expenses cover in its haunted homeowners package. “We’re only too well aware how distressing and expensive neighbour disputes can be,” the Hiscox spooksman said. “That’s why our policy will help fund a lawsuit against any neighbour who’s social behaviour causes unnecessary peace and quiet.
“Neighbours who do not scream loudly and rush out onto their lawns wearing only flimsy nighties, or wail while clanking chains in the attic are sadly an increasing problem in modern society,” the Hiscox spooksman moaned.
The new policy’s terms and conditions would be completely transparent. “You’ll be able to see right through them,” he hissed. “Just like me.”
